.........

A month has passed since the last writings on M-A-H and alot of things happened...

To get it starting... I'm now in a relationship, a long distance relationship, but I have to say, its worth the waiting.. I think, it wont be the same feeling if I met her and had the relationship in Malaysia and then fly off, because it will be hard for me to leave her. Now, It made us to appreciate our relationship more valuable when we meet back when Im coming back next year. Even both have different responsibilities, but we made it clear what our purpose of the relationship.. And trusting each other is the key ingredient in the relationship...

Ive wrote a few writings on my Multiply page and even my Sayang wrote something meaningful on LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP so... do check it out!!

till next time

ps..Cool new layout Man!!...good job!!

There she goes.

"So, how do you decide which number goes to who?" asked the girl.

I don't. I usually give the same number to everyone. I may have two numbers, but only my dearest friends have them both. Little did she know that she stands to be one of the dearest of the lot.

It was a long trip home. One of the longest I ever had. The hours rolled on by as I sped my way across the north south having light conversations with a girl who I am hopelessly 'addicted' to.

She also knows that I am attracted to her. I had confessed.

She doesn't however, know how much. Why is this post being written in Men Are Here, I hear some of you mouth to yourselves instead of Lete? Simple, this is a more private space for me. A place where I can tell myself and a selected few how much it really hurts to be in love sometimes.

Okay this is where it starts to get confusing. I am currently seeing someone, but she isn't the one I'm talking about here.

Yes, I am dating someone..but I don't love her. I don't need to hear her voice everyday, my eyes don't light up everytime a text message comes in hoping that it'll be her, I don't think of her constantly and I don't even care if she's out with some other guy..even though she tries her very darndest to make me care.

Why am I not trying harder, I hear you say. I did. I tried to make myself fall for her, but just as hard as it is to force yourself to smile when you're absolutely knackered is how hard it is to force yourself to love someone. It's pathethic i know, but you really can't choose who you fall for and how deeply.

And I fell for the wrong one. The one who I spent three of the most colourful days of my life with. I went on a trip with a girl who made my heart skip not just one or two beats, but could've very nearly caused me a seizure. She is in many ways, so very wrong for me. But something about her is just so irresistible. We finish each other's sentences. We watch the same movies. We even laugh at stupidly silly things together. I love the way her hair flutters when the wind blows. I love the way she looks in the morning with her eyes all swollen, but still tries very hard to smile just as wide. I love the way she looks at me whenever I have anything to say - she makes everything seem just that little bit special. I love the way she holds my hand whenever I have something to show her.

She's also taken.

At least I know it for a fact now. I'm not going to lie to you, I'm absolutely devastated. I don't know why. I've never felt this weird emotion before. It's not dissapointment. It's not sadness. It's just a feeling of utter and total hopelessness. Not for me, I mean I don't feel hopeless. It's just the whole situation.

I guess what they say is true. You really do win some, and then you lose some too.

"I just don't know what to say," she whispered as I told her how i felt for her. "I just smile and laugh whenever I'm lost for words."

And that's exactly what we did, all the way home. We laughed and we smiled, and it was without a doubt the hardest thing i had ever done.

There She Goes.

"I'm sure i was told..the rule of the road would be all i found."

"So tell me, what if the girl you've been waiting for suddenly becomes available?"

I shrugged and answered, "That's a big if."

I told him i can't wait for someone who might or might not be available. I have someone right now who was willing to take the plunge with me. Why should I bet on a horse with odds greater than a hundred to one?

It usually never happens.

But what if it did, was written all over his face. Even before he could ask me that question I gave him an answer.

"Well, she's the one that I want. I really wouldn't know what I'd do. She makes me smile, all my friends love her. Even you like her."

Then wait, he said. You never know how the odds would turn out in a week, month or year from today.

This conversation took place a little over a month ago. I started dating someone else during the passing of that month. Yet, I never forgot our little 'chat', or the opportunity cost forgone.

The people who know me still ask me, "Are you happy with this girl you're currently 'seeing'?"

I answer quite frankly, "I am happy. Just not contented. But when are we ever contented anyway."

But the other girl will always be in my heart and my thoughts. She's been on my mind ever since. In many ways, I suppose it's time for me to let go. I've got a good thing going for me right now, and sometimes you just can't see a good thing even when it's smack bang in front of you. I'm selfish, but everyone's who's ever been in love has been nothing but.

The only problem is, she never knew. Probably never will.

Neil (Mira's cousin) told me before he left for England that I should,

"Just tell her. Her response to your confession isn't as important as you being honest to yourself about it. Don't keep beating yourself up over something that might or might not happen. Get it off your chest, know wot I mean?"

Yeah Neil, I knew what you meant. I just needed some time to grow up a little bit more, and worry a little bit less.

A whole lot lesser.

The Bank Girl

I met a girl... well i think we met each other.... it was 'non standard transaction' [bank talk for somethin that cant be done over the internet and WILL cost you extra!] that borught us together on her turf - the bank...

So there i am lookin all weird at this strange surroundin tht i vaguely remember from my days when i opened the damn account.... Then i have to force myself to stop fidgeting and acting nervous coz many black men have undoutbly been put away - innocently confused for being bank robbers.... and im not ready to be a statistic and enjoy the company of a new roommate called Bubba!

Thank God for musiq... i crank up my jamz... and though i have decided not to act 'black' they will not take my rite to listen to my 'black musiq'..... Kanye west seems to relax me a lil and then i spot her.... in one of the cubicles, a hot ebony african queen.... and im like damn! i shld log off my computer more and head on down to the bank if this is wht they have in store.... so anyway i am lucky enuff to be served by her [and for all u perverts it isnt wht u think.... she called me up to her counter - Once again perverts this one is innocent too... but read on it might get better...]

I pretend that i dont care that my mind might think she is hot and this is an everyday sorta transaction for me... but she catches me off guard - "Hey, where u from?" she asks and quickly follows on with "What? and Where? do you do wht u do"... So i proceed to dazzle her by making mediocre stuff like school and work sound like major lifetime achievements in the life of maliki....

It was like an interesting first date.... gettin to know her and vice versa, oblivious of the surroundings.... sadly awkward stares from the other tellers [jealous maybe?] let us know our time was up... and she quickly recovers with a 'Thanks, anything else i can help you with?' and i am soooo tempted to in my very husky meets craig david voice say " yes i would like your phone number" but my attempts to quit smoking have rendered huskiness outta my voice and well the craig thing is a once in a lifetime kinda thing and my shy self painfully coughs out a 'nothing thanks' and i casually walk away into the street.... the melody of 'bobby valentino - slow down' leadin my steps...

::End Of Encounter 1::

Summary.

The 5 minute date kinda cost me $100 bucks [i couldnt let her think i was a broke man-child which is usually the norm but technically its still in my account so it aint a loss loss if u think abt it.... but it aint in my wallet which means it cost me]

Kinda expensive for a first date but i think it was worth it.... knowing some of the ones i have been on may have cost less but ended without the smile on my face and the whistle i was carrying for the rest of the day....

Here We Go Again.

I'm currently seeing someone. It's slightly complicated. But I'm seeing someone. Thought I'd be honest about it and tell you guys over here instead of my blog. She's a lovely person. Makes me laugh. Gives me butterflies. The lot. Quite happy at the moment. There's another photo of her on my blog. But i chose the one above for personal reasons. Cheers people. Happy Harry Raya.