There she goes.

"So, how do you decide which number goes to who?" asked the girl.

I don't. I usually give the same number to everyone. I may have two numbers, but only my dearest friends have them both. Little did she know that she stands to be one of the dearest of the lot.

It was a long trip home. One of the longest I ever had. The hours rolled on by as I sped my way across the north south having light conversations with a girl who I am hopelessly 'addicted' to.

She also knows that I am attracted to her. I had confessed.

She doesn't however, know how much. Why is this post being written in Men Are Here, I hear some of you mouth to yourselves instead of Lete? Simple, this is a more private space for me. A place where I can tell myself and a selected few how much it really hurts to be in love sometimes.

Okay this is where it starts to get confusing. I am currently seeing someone, but she isn't the one I'm talking about here.

Yes, I am dating someone..but I don't love her. I don't need to hear her voice everyday, my eyes don't light up everytime a text message comes in hoping that it'll be her, I don't think of her constantly and I don't even care if she's out with some other guy..even though she tries her very darndest to make me care.

Why am I not trying harder, I hear you say. I did. I tried to make myself fall for her, but just as hard as it is to force yourself to smile when you're absolutely knackered is how hard it is to force yourself to love someone. It's pathethic i know, but you really can't choose who you fall for and how deeply.

And I fell for the wrong one. The one who I spent three of the most colourful days of my life with. I went on a trip with a girl who made my heart skip not just one or two beats, but could've very nearly caused me a seizure. She is in many ways, so very wrong for me. But something about her is just so irresistible. We finish each other's sentences. We watch the same movies. We even laugh at stupidly silly things together. I love the way her hair flutters when the wind blows. I love the way she looks in the morning with her eyes all swollen, but still tries very hard to smile just as wide. I love the way she looks at me whenever I have anything to say - she makes everything seem just that little bit special. I love the way she holds my hand whenever I have something to show her.

She's also taken.

At least I know it for a fact now. I'm not going to lie to you, I'm absolutely devastated. I don't know why. I've never felt this weird emotion before. It's not dissapointment. It's not sadness. It's just a feeling of utter and total hopelessness. Not for me, I mean I don't feel hopeless. It's just the whole situation.

I guess what they say is true. You really do win some, and then you lose some too.

"I just don't know what to say," she whispered as I told her how i felt for her. "I just smile and laugh whenever I'm lost for words."

And that's exactly what we did, all the way home. We laughed and we smiled, and it was without a doubt the hardest thing i had ever done.

There She Goes.