Im Black...

So yea i just finished the other part of my degree and its meant 2 feel amazing rite?

I mean been the thoughest yr of my life, but then again everythin ive had has been born through struggle. Is that why i have only a so so reaction to yet another notch of achievement... or is coz 4 those i want it to matter the most, its just that my job - something i shld be good @ etc etc...

Well i inside im happy coz of u... my special ones... those who have seen the journey, the tears and the drama... whether close or far away... so when Ed says he is proud then im ill take it and smile... and the rest of y'all who have held me in ur thoughts... cldnt have done it with you...

So that wasnt the aim of Today... today is Im Black day.... i often steer away from the color on my skin often because of all the stereotype attached to it and i'd love to list a few of them but it aint important...

I sometimes find it easier to avoid the confrontations that arise from ignorant men who look at me and decide they know me and then proceed 2 treat me in a fashion deviod of love... So its their time 2 listen now, 2 stop pushin my slave.heart and listen... and time 4 me to represent my block

I feel the struggle of MLK and Malcom X and still believe in their dream that one day we will look at each other (whoever muslim, christian and everythin in b/w... singaporean, malyasian, kenyan and even American [insert an atlas here...]) and not see the surface rather the content of our character...

A good man by any name is still a good man! trust me i got brothers from across the globe who have shown me more love than my own has @ times....

so i invite you to share in who i am and be amazed at the story that my glazed up ebony skin tells and in return tell me yours so we testify that we are different we have character reaching out from within us into the glorious rainbow of humanity...



I'm Black...


Not by colour alone

but by Name and Pride


i'm Black

Not by Choice or Fashion

but by Destiny and heavenly Design


i'm Black

and so im different And

i have 2 rise above


i'm Black

because my flesh narrates a story

and my skin is full of character


Pushed aside and neglected 4 my humble roots

and 4eva trapped in my struggle

Confined by the ignorance of unforgiving men

and frowned upon by my own; content in their place


I dream of a black 2morrow

where my ebony skin shines in the light

in a world that cherishes my unique and gentle spirit

concieved and blessed where there was once no Light!


- dedicated 2 my people - maleik


"I have a dream that [we] will one day live in a [world]

where [we] will not be judged by the color of [our] skin but by the

content of [our] character. I have a dream today." (MLK. Jr.)

A Lesson In Humility.

I'm currently listening to "Another Day" by an ambient band called quite simply enough;New Beginning. The emotions that flow through all my five senses whilst the tune repeats itself is real. It has undertones and moody keys which highlights the poignant strings which echo gently in the background. A serenading sway of musical notes vibrates the minute speakers of my Mac.

It's rocking my soul in a very ethereal motion.

I can't help but think about her as the song goes through it's rhythm, over and over again. She's constantly on my mind. Every single day. I'm stuck in a loop which i physically and emotionally choose to remain in.

I don't know why I can't stop thinking about her. The song, whilst gentle and undeniably soothing sets an amazing tenor for the tapistry which goes on in my life every single day. It's the small moments which move me. The small gestures which shake the very foundation that I stand on.

Every single time I try to pull myself away, she tacitly pulls me back in. How funny life is when you choose to see things in a different manner everytime a situation suits you. I'm a slave to fashion. My mind races to a time when I could remember the emotional euphoria. It's so close I could almost taste it. The colours are much more vibrant, and the voices are clear as day.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not reeling in dissapointment. I'm so much better today than I was a week ago. Yet, I can't shake the feeling. She's the embodiment of my ideal, rational and entirely real..girl. How can anyone in their right mind, ever forget something that means so much to you?

"Move on Eddie, there're so many other girls out there." says a friend.

"Don't you dare go for another new girl, Eddie. Don't give up on this one, keep trying. Trust me." says another.

She's far from perfect, but for that very reason alone she comes pretty close to being that which she isn't. She might be reading this for all i know, but honestly it hardly bothers me. I'm not writing this for her sake. I'm writing this for mine, and for other men out there who happen to be in the same, unfortunate situation as me. It isn't pathetic; not by a long shot. It's life. Just learn to laugh about it once in a while; it keeps us from choking and looking way too old too soon.

Many years from now, I might look back at this post and wonder what the fuss was all about. I might even learn to laugh about it. Heck, she might even laugh about it too.

I just hope that she doesn't turn out to be my 'Chasing Amy'.

As they say, it's not who you love. It's how.

And how hard you fall.

"A man is known by the books he reads"

I've stumbled upon a saying while I was at the city center this Morning and it says,

"A man is known by the books he reads"

Hmmm..i Wonder...If i read all those Thermodynamic books, Fluid Mechanics, Maths and Statistics ..even Project Management titiles..Makes me A thermoFluid mathematician Project Manager?!?!...huhuhuhhhuhuhuh....but it was a nice saying tho!!...

I've always listen to people say about what they feel about life, how they go through difficulties, how they make themselves happy and so much more.... A guy once told me,

"Men are like wine! They get more valuable when it gets Older!! When Women are like Milk, need to be consumed fast!!"

I'm not gonna be sexist or any...But maybe he has a point there!!..And I'm sure the ladies would agree on me this!!... Scientifically, the MEN matured later than the WOMEN... Women start to reach puberty as early as 10 years old, where vital physical changes taken into place. Their chest become more swallen, which later forms to breasts, height of the girls suddenly shoot up ( I used to remember i was shorter than most GURLS in my school!!) and Pubic hair starts to grow around the groin... Then Period cycle starts on rolling and now girls starts this Hormonal changes, a lot of stress, stomach pains and many more (someone help me here!!!)...These changes would come to a plateau till a girl reaches 17 or 19 years old where changes rest for awhile!!...

Then NOW the Guys turn!!... Hormonal Changes starts as EARLY as 13 (quite early) or as late as 15!!!...Hormons starts to kick in the body this time around. Guys starts to change their voices from Squirmy tiny little voice to DEEEEEEPPP growling Voice...( if you think you voice havent change..then..there must be something wrong with you!!..hehehehe).. Chest becoming more broader, Hairs starts to grow at places you think It should grow, like at the face area, armpits... and also at the Pubic Area!!.. And Penis become larger and longer..(What a STUD!!!..hwuahwuahwuahwa) And will reach the saturation rate at about of the age of 20-21..
You see!!.from there on...

You know, the girls developed faster than men.. But Men, when they have already FULLY developed ( I know this will excite the girls!!!)... Mentally... we are not matured enough!!... But Girls already thinking of something more matured than the guys..and gurls have this biological ticking bomb!!...every WOMEN worst nightmare...PMS...Pre-Menstural Syndrom!!!...No babies after this stage...and my GOD!!!...hormonal imbalance this time around!!..So...thats why Woman are like MILK...consumed it fresh...hehehehehe
Men on the other hand is different!!... They are like plain piece of paper..Once MEN have the Paper (Reaching Maturity).. They cant decorate the room yet...because its PLAIN!...would you wanna have a room with PLAIN WHITE wallpaper on your living room!??..SO Men need to decorate themselves to make it INTERESTING!!!... So..as you get older..you tend to be wiser!!..you can cope with matters easily...and YUP...MEN need to read more...THEREFORE the phrase earlier is agreeable!!...

FURTHERMORE!!!!!...I couldnt agree with this sentiment 100%...Where Older MEN are more matured than the younger ones.... SOME are more matured than the OLDER Guys!!... Because of the way they were brought up...Maybe they saw something else from the OLDER MEN!!... And the Ladies too...Older WOMEN doesnt mean they are MORE Matured!!...Some act like CHILDREN!!...also the way of brought up or experiences that they have gone through..

SO...where am i GOiNG in this Journal today?!...hmmm...I dont have a clue really...heheheheh...but What Im trying to say is.. Not necessarily OLDER Men are more matured and more sensible to their judgement, Younger ones too can be more matured enough! All you need to do is GET TO KNOW him before make any conclusion.. Even for the Ladies...Younger girls doesnt mean they are still a kid...they MATURE faster than MEN...remember that!!...so ..their Feelings shouldnt be fooling around...She might be young...but Her mind is Different...sometimes they think on PAR with older guys...

Therefore GUYS...read more books!!...And girls...hmmm...stay loving to your guys!!...hehehehehe...

Till next time!!

iDAN
ps...Ermmm..i dont know whats get into me today...hehehhehehe...