A Lesson In Humility.

I'm currently listening to "Another Day" by an ambient band called quite simply enough;New Beginning. The emotions that flow through all my five senses whilst the tune repeats itself is real. It has undertones and moody keys which highlights the poignant strings which echo gently in the background. A serenading sway of musical notes vibrates the minute speakers of my Mac.

It's rocking my soul in a very ethereal motion.

I can't help but think about her as the song goes through it's rhythm, over and over again. She's constantly on my mind. Every single day. I'm stuck in a loop which i physically and emotionally choose to remain in.

I don't know why I can't stop thinking about her. The song, whilst gentle and undeniably soothing sets an amazing tenor for the tapistry which goes on in my life every single day. It's the small moments which move me. The small gestures which shake the very foundation that I stand on.

Every single time I try to pull myself away, she tacitly pulls me back in. How funny life is when you choose to see things in a different manner everytime a situation suits you. I'm a slave to fashion. My mind races to a time when I could remember the emotional euphoria. It's so close I could almost taste it. The colours are much more vibrant, and the voices are clear as day.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not reeling in dissapointment. I'm so much better today than I was a week ago. Yet, I can't shake the feeling. She's the embodiment of my ideal, rational and entirely real..girl. How can anyone in their right mind, ever forget something that means so much to you?

"Move on Eddie, there're so many other girls out there." says a friend.

"Don't you dare go for another new girl, Eddie. Don't give up on this one, keep trying. Trust me." says another.

She's far from perfect, but for that very reason alone she comes pretty close to being that which she isn't. She might be reading this for all i know, but honestly it hardly bothers me. I'm not writing this for her sake. I'm writing this for mine, and for other men out there who happen to be in the same, unfortunate situation as me. It isn't pathetic; not by a long shot. It's life. Just learn to laugh about it once in a while; it keeps us from choking and looking way too old too soon.

Many years from now, I might look back at this post and wonder what the fuss was all about. I might even learn to laugh about it. Heck, she might even laugh about it too.

I just hope that she doesn't turn out to be my 'Chasing Amy'.

As they say, it's not who you love. It's how.

And how hard you fall.