Saturday, September 03, 2005

Marriage

Right, let me highlight up front that I grew up with a bunch of men in my family, so I am undeniably supercharged with mouthfuls of testosterone.

Yet, despite only having two strong women in my family (my lovely sister and my loving mother) we (the men) were constantly inundated with the Malaysian perception of how women past a certain age were treated in our society.

“Women are like Milk, they have a shelf life.” My aunt told my mom when I was 13. My sister was 19 at the time.

I had no idea what they were babbling on at the time, it wasn’t till I was 19 myself at my brother’s party did I realize what they meant by that.

“You see Eddie, we men are like fine wine,” said my brother’s friend, his mouth reeking of alcohol.

“The older we get, the better we taste. Take my girlfriend over there, hot yeah?”

I glanced over and not ten feet away from me by the poolside, was this slender looking lady who had three strapping young men fumbling over one another like sex starved Neanderthals at a cave party, just to get this vixen her a drink.

“The difference between me and her is obvious. She’s physically attractive I’ll give her that much, and I’ve got flabs rolling out every which way, yet she’s out with me and not them. You want to know what makes me attractive?” He asked me as he took a sip of his drink, but before he could answer me, he gave me a wink and brazenly walked up to his girl, whispered something in her ear and whisked her away to the amazement of those three strapping young men.

Over the noise and clamor of the party, one of the boys voiced his general disdain and disappointment.

“How can a guy like that, get a girl like THAT?” was the general question.

Because Asshole, I thought to myself, he drives a 360 Spider, and you, my blue eyed friend can’t even muscle enough money to change his tires.

At that time, I thought that his success had made him attractive.

It wasn’t. Success made him appealing, I’ll give him that.

But it was his charisma, his confidence and above all else, his charm that made him such a ‘ladies’ man.

For years he played the circuit. Whenever he threw one of his outlandish parties, he always had a new girl to keep him company.

Today, he’s married with a daughter. He looks much, much older. The glow in his eyes, that used to sparkle like stars on a moonless sky, was now filled with emptiness.

Marriage, he told me, was the anti thesis to everything he believed in. He succumbed to marriage because it was ‘time’.

You see, the idea of commitment isn’t societal. These constraints are sexual. The idea that everyone should have one partner at any one time with an intention of monogamy is a precedent, above all other connotations in the context of marriage or relationships.

But for women, once they reach a certain age, marriage is the final and absolute outcome for whatever relationships they are in. Commitment is their trump card to tie their men down.

“No, no honey, no more shaggy waggy. Not until you agree to marry me. Here’s the date, venue and list of invites. Just sign here, what? No, no, you can bring…four of your friends.”

Men on the other hand, cringe at the idea of marriage at such an early age. Unless they’ve been p***y whipped of course. Then they’ll say yes. God knows how many times I’ve agreed to marry the women I’ve date. And 10 out of 10, I actually believed it. Want to know what persuasion really is? Look under “Women” in your Webster’s.

Sometimes I wonder if marriage is even something I’m looking forward to. The whole sanctity of marriage has been desecrated time and time again by tales of divorces, custody rights and wealth divisions. So how can you tell me, with an honest face that you think you’ll be any different? How many break ups have we all endured? What makes you think marriage is going to change any of that?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want to get married, I do… but I don’t know if I’ll marry for the right reasons.

And what’s the point of marrying someone, if you don’t even know the true reasons behind your intentions?

Yours
Eddie

1 Comments:

Blogger Lew Scannon said...

Great post, great post. And so very true.
Men do age like wine, look at Sean Connery. Old, bald and still attractive to women! The women his age still attractive? That's why women push for marriage, they know that wall is coming and they want to tie you down so they have something to cling to when they hit it.
Been married once,never again, but my ex? She got married right away as she's past forty and heading for that wall and it won't be long until she hits it and then she can let herself go and end up like her mother, which, thankfully, I won't be around for.

8:53 AM  

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